Strap-on Sally

QuarterRican and I have been meaning for this to happen for a hot minute now; we needed to have a girls night of banging each other and figuring out how to cooperatively reach climax. Tonight was the night. Let me remind you how gorgeous my Hispanic hottie is- taller than me, a rocking body, that 24/7 tan, giant titties, pierced downstairs, professional tattoos. I win, go fuck your hand. I can’t help it, I only fuck attractive women. Older, younger, my age- doesn’t matter, they’re beautiful. But I’m just a better man than you, it’s cool. OK I’m being an asshole now. It’s going to my head! Could you imagine how much worse I’d be if I was a 10? We should all thank our Lords I was humbled with the body of a god- Buddha. Moving on; our night started out fairly benign- we went to dinner (Indian, hooray!) and drinks afterward. Cha-cha-cha-chia! I got lightly toasted. There had been talk earlier in the night about our previous strap-on encounter together- want to catch up? I bet you do. (How about that time I hooked up with that amazing older Puerto Rican lady that broke her 20 year celibacy from women so she could pleasure me? That was a wild night. I need to see her again…  She was doing something I couldn’t describe and I was audibly very pleased, so she asked if I’d ever been fisted… I said no. “Well you have now.” What. I love you. Keep doing that thing to my G-spot you magnificent creature. She has small hands, and decades of experience; my first and only fisting, and I liked it! )

I’m distracted right now because she’s literally twerking and shaking her titties on me, dancing to Rinse & Repeat. Oh, well now she put the dick back on and is hitting me with it. We’re adults. This is what it’s supposed to be like when best friends bang, I’m sorry heterosexual people don’t often get this kind of chemistry. So back to catching up- she was at work one day and texted me she wanted to come over and have me fuck her with my strap-on, she just really needed an orgasm… also, maybe have a boy on standby for us to use. So I messaged Abercrombie to come over at a certain time, expecting her to arrive timely. That was my first mistake. Beaner time is real. 2 hours late she rolls in, I shaved her lady business. She said not to mention I shaved her butthole, because she’s a Goddess. We’ll keep that a secret just between us, yes? So back to the dickin’, we ended up attempting a threesome and it failed miserably; however I did get to fuck Abercrombie with my strap-on, and he loooooooooooved it. It ended with me using a strap-on on her after he left and I brought her to orgasm so score one for the home team. I did an endzone dance, tell no-one. (This is where I don’t understand how men who don’t perform well, and don’t care to, live with themselves… it’s such an ego boost to get a girl to cum. Where the fuck is your sense of pride, or accomplishment? Hang yourself immediately.) Since that day, she’s been determined to get back at me with the D something FIERCE. We talk about it frequently, but she’s busy and I’m busy. Holy shit, who knew we’re two independent people, autonomous and free? I should just give her a key to my house.

Fastforward to today. We finish up with cocktails and I realize the people I’m hanging out with most lately are bartenders. These are my people. Whatever, I put the FUN in functional alcoholism. No I don’t, I barely drink. I did take a sweet-tart shot tonight and that was interesting. We get home after one drink and one shot each, so not unsafe by any means. I have business to attend to, because a couple of sets of abs were waiting for us when we got here and I needed them to leave quickly. Sunshine out the door, we commence the fuckfest. Ok first we prepped. We had planned on anal, but SOMEBODY WHO SHALL REMAIN NAMELESS *cough cough, her* broke my shower wand so that was a no-go. We both know all the gay men in this frozen wonderland so we know the tricks to clean, enjoyable anal. (He got Fleet enemas for daaaays…) Not to mention I recently had a very pleasurable anal experience with Mr. Green Thumb and she wanted in on the fun times. Technically she’s mentioned before she wanted me to DP her with a man, and only I’m allowed in her ass. You got it, boo boo.

We start out with her fucking me, I’m on my hands and knees and she’s behind me. We’re using coconut oil, and an 8 inch toy that has a skin-like feel to it- and also testicles. Once inside me she took it to the hilt and fucked me like I owed her money. Was it hateful? I dunno but she was yelling at me to cum. It was at this time I realized QuarterRican might actually be a man; she instructed me to ‘cum all over this dick’ and I did. A few times. She wasn’t satisfied with me only having a few… she demanded more. I came hard and we collapsed together on the bed laughing and screaming; she’s sold on this wearing a dong thing. Raised voice and excitement that can’t be contained, lady face is rejoicing in her new found extracurricular activity. Oh, also she repeats that she loves fucking me, everything about us is hot, and she’s soaking wet from making me cum. She does the helicopter with the strap-on. She slaps it on her belly, and her thighs. She’s stroking it and laughing and marveling at the newness of it all. See, I’ve been using strap-ons since I was 16 years old… I even had a reputation of wearing them to raves up until my early 20’s. I CAN’T HELP IT, I FEEL SO EMPOWERED WHEN I HAVE A BIG DICK. I have a mental penis and it’s bigger’n yours. That’s where my self esteem resonates from; not from thinking I’m hot shit, or desirable, or anything of that nature. Nope, I just have this image of myself hung like a mule and the confidence that comes with knowing how to use it. She wants to keep fucking me, because I get multiple orgasms and she’s not done making me scream yet. Done. Twist my arm why don’t ya, am I right?

On my back, she inserts the dildo (which at this point I should mention was too long for me; so doggy style, although very good, I was “running away from the dick” because that last inch or so was just making me want to apologize for whatever I had done to make her so angry with my cervix,) and grinds into me assertively. She’s getting turned on taking charge, moaning and talking dirty. Fuck yes, tell me how to take it. She’s twisting one of my nipple rings and the other is in her mouth. She pulled my hair. I was brought to climax not once, but twice more. MY TURN, BITCH! She wants the smaller attachment, the 7 inch made of the same material. I gotchu, boo! I decide at this time I’m also going to switch to the 7 inch toy because that’s the right length for my downstairs, if we switch it up again. We start out like last time, with me behind her. I’m rubbing coconut oil on her and touching her soft, lovely folds- making them slick with sweet coconut. Up and down, from the top of her slit where her piercing is, to her perfect asshole. I wanna bury my face in her ass. This is where I should mention I have only eaten ass with two partners EVER in my life. My former spouse, and Rufio. But QuarterRican has a big Latin booty I cannot resist and I just wanna suffocate between her cheeks. Also, we’ve been fairly close friends for 10 years, and she’s always been a bombshell. What better ass to eat, know what I’m sayin’? I didn’t dive in. I should have. I might next time.

I insert the dildo into her, grab her hips, and take her to pound town. She’s shrieking my praises. It really does wonders for you to hear your partner screaming OH FUCK YES, FUCK ME. Maybe this is why I have the luck of quick fucks half the time… maybe my verbal enjoyment of getting dicked down pushes them over the edge too fast. Maybe none of that matters anymore because QuarterRican and I love fucking each other and we have the kind of chemistry that could completely negate the need to waste time on anymore subpar men…. kidding, I love the thrill of the hunt. I really just need to start eviscerating the lousy lays. No, no, no. I promised myself I wouldn’t be that person. Spoiler, I’m really bad at keeping promises. That’ll be a different website… pay per roast or some shit, because my anger has no bounds and my bottomless pit for petty revenge is as depraved as it is senseless. Back to fucking: she wants to ride me. Yes, madam. I lay back and she straddles me, guiding the soft but firm phallus into herself. Once she’s propped up on my dowel she starts bouncing, and maybe giving me tinnitus. I love loud bitches. I’m grabbing her hips and pushing my pelvis up into her to counter her down-stroke. I tell her I love fucking her, which are the magic words for me when I’m getting it real good. She tells me she loves fucking me too, and how I fuck her. I want to be on top.

On her back I’m pushing into her and keeping rhythm, she’s getting close but not quite. She tells me she’s there and rubs her clit, but she never got the big finish. I’ll see myself out, I need to slit my wrists now. She assures me its fine, she’s had a couple drinks and that puts her orgasm off significantly. Still, I was 1-1 with her and I feel especially good about getting her off our very first time. Everybody knows the first time is the most awkward. She wants to fuck me again, in fact she told me to take that dick off because she was about to fuck my world up. Yes ma’am. Pulling the straps tight has become almost threatening. The eye contact, the raised eyebrow, the BEND OVER MAKE YA KNEES TOUCH YA ELBOWS. Ok so we’re not very serious in bed. Sex is most fun with someone you have chemistry, compatibility, and comfort with. We’re two goofy broads who love each other’s company endlessly… it was only ever going to be like this. I want her behind me again, with the 7 inch toy. It is CONSIDERABLY better with a smaller attachment; my poor cervix isn’t ducking and dodging a Joe Jackson style beat down. I PROMISE I’LL BE FAMOUS, DADDY! We’re all finished up at this point, we didn’t use half the toys I set out just in case we got into cock buffet mode which is pretty common when you’re first starting out with attachments. Her legs got a work out, we giggle we understand and have a deeper appreciation now for men who put in the work to fuck us properly. Never miss leg day, yo.

We ended the night by inviting a male friend over, taking a shower with him, and then making him drive us to Taco Bell at 2:30am. They’re snuggled up in my bed so I could finish writing this nonsense before I have to get up in 3 hours. Tomorrow we gym again. QuarterRican and I have goals… with our powers combined… we will get our bodies back. (She’s convinced she’s fat because she’s an idiot and can’t see how amazing she looks.) Booze and late night Taco Bell be damned. Oh hey, did I tell you about the night we discovered I’m lactose intolerant? Frying balls on LSD, we had salmon chowder for dinner. My flatulence so bad I considered burning my place down because it was ruined. I made them both vomit. By them I mean QuarterRican and the friend we have over now- Drum Life. My house was fucking haunted with farts. I ruined it for everybody. They wanted to cuddle me as I’m in a fetal position, but couldn’t come anywhere near me… or leave. It was outside on the porch. You could taste it. Pretty sure you could see it. So yeah. Dairy and I have a complicated relationship now. I don’t know why I told you any of that.

That’s Khal Drogo. We hit each other with it. He’s 8.5″ around, so he doesn’t go in us.

Published by:

DD Fnord

I left my cheating spouse September of 2015. In October of that year, I filed for divorce and set out to move on and reclaim my lost libido. I spent 8 years of my 20's faithful to two unfaithful men, I have so much time to make up for! All The Dicks is my journey having sex with whoever I want, whenever I want, however I want. The first person I spent the night with after my husband, reignited the spark and desire I thought I would need counseling to retrieve. The second person I was with sealed the deal. I wasn't broken, I just needed a tune up. This collection of encounters are the ones worth re-telling- I don't write about every sexual encounter I have, and I certainly don't bother with any that were sub-par. The screenshots are my own personal wall of shame, but also my trophies because nobody puts baby in a corner.

Categories Sex