Joker Revisits Valhalla

I know when that hotline bling… or rather, he does. Let’s be honest, hitting him up for a good time is a guarantee. A simple “wanna have a 3some” text and he’s mobile, on the way to meet us ASAP. Valkyrie is stunned how easy it is to have quality dick show up at 1am. This is the benefit of having a man-harem at your beck and call 24/7. Why do I even bother meeting new men at this point? Oh that’s right, I get bored easily and I like variety… it’s a shame so many perform so poorly I can’t write anything about them. Beyond the point, back to tonight.

We started out over at Viking’s place hanging out with him and Doc, then we segued to Bush Company for some eye candy. I was hoping to scam on baby faced GI’s all night but the joint was just not fully stocked like last time. Boo. So we played pool and Valkyrie kicked my ass 3 games in a row. My pride is bruised. I’ve been drinking chocolate martinis all night (pro tip, they’re delicious,) and she’s drinking margaritas. Party. I’m not really feeling Bush Co., she kind of wanted to stay but I’m convinced we’ll have a better time banging out some dude at my place. We get to my house and our arrangement bails on us via text. Fuck, shit, god damn it. Ok, backup plan. Joker should be alive and awake at this hour… if not, I bet he’d roll out of bed for us. WHY NOT, RIGHT? He answers quickly and heads over, score!

We hear him pull up and we both giggle about how fast that was- I see him peep my window as he walks up the steps to come inside. He doesn’t even knock, he just strolls right in and comes to bed like a good boy. His shirt came off faster than a dress at prom. YES, YOU’VE BEEN SUMMONED TO THE GATES OF VALHALLA! It’s only for the worthy. Valkyrie comes out of the master bath and crawls onto the bed. Our clothes start coming off and I throw her backwards- I plan on getting her an orgasm before penetration starts, to ensure she gets one. He asks if we’re drunk, I say no, he laughs that that’s good so maybe Valkyrie will get off this time. (If you haven’t been keeping up, she’s notoriously hard to get off with penetration and usually only climaxes from face time.) That’s why I’m diving face first into her to get the party started. Also I underestimated her intoxication as I was not drunk and just assumed she was on my level. WRONG. So I’m working my magic and I can feel she’s getting close because her thighs are starting to do that thing where they come up and squeeze. Meanwhile Joker gets a clue to be useful and rolls a condom on, starts giving it to me from behind. It’s kind of hard for me to do my thing like this because I have orthodontic braces and with every thrust my body and face moves forward- god forbid one of my brackets catch onto some very sensitive skin or worse… just bump into the clitty wrong. That’s no-no. We go at this for a while, Joker is hitting it from a few different angles which is quite nice. Change up!

I tag him in to go down on Valkyrie while I give him some hand play on his penis. Condom off, lost into the abyss of the condom graveyard also known as the immediate floor area around my bed, and we begin our new play position. This goes on briefly, until he demands that one of us ride his face and the other ride his pork sword. I love his joystick. It’s not super long, but it’s disproportionately thick- kind of perfect for a vagina, to be honest. Most guys get hung up on their size based on their length. Length is so not important really. So I throw a condom on him and start riding him just as Valkyrie is getting situated on his face- I like my view. I’m getting the D and I’m facing her beautiful back side, appreciating her curves and tattoos. Her ass looks perfect right now. I’m infatuated with her hour glass figure as I’m doing my meat swivel. I got close a couple of times but just couldn’t get it to happen so I dismount the giggle-stick and gift him some complimentary head while he continues to tongue lash my lady. He’s doing his damnedest to get her off but she’s not having it, but she did get close. Good job little buddy. (No shame, I didn’t get her off either.)

We all fall down into a puddle of “what do we do now?” and I tell Valkyrie to get on her back, because I want Joker to raid her shores and plunder her village. With his dick. Also I just like how this soldier goes to work in this position- I get the added bonus of being able to kiss her and hold her as she’s clutching onto whatever’s near. He goes to town on her as we’re kissing, starting out slow because she needs a little warm up. She’s enjoying it, it’s going well for all involved- I’m even getting some action as she’s putting her fingers through my hair and pulling it gently. RAWR. He climaxes and we take pause to appreciate how beautiful Valkyrie is when she’s experiencing pleasure. He said the look on her face put him over the edge, she says that’s not the first time she’s heard that. I believe it. This is where it gets interesting though, as he goes and tosses the condom away in the bathroom she confesses to me he was hitting her g-spot and it’s a magical new button she’d never really gotten to explore before. There is much giggling. Joker climbs back in bed with us and we casually hangout naked for a while. Mostly Valkyrie and I talked and he intently listened from the sidelines. I played with her belly button for a while and made her laugh. I do love her, and I always will. Our friendship will outlive the boys we bang… that’s not a joke, she’s a black widow.

He tells us that he’s been sharing his blog entries and his buddies don’t believe it’s him… hi my name is DD and we be bangin’. You saw my text requesting his services. I’m sure he’s very proud of that. I ask him what my name is in his phone and it’s nothing noteworthy, just my name. He asks if it should be Epic FuckBuddy. Yes? Please? I’ll take that. How about Queen of Peen? I shouldn’t get too butthurt about it, his name in my phone is just his name too. But I don’t have my man-harem all set up in a group with their own silly ringtone… I need to get around to that. Next time for sure when I summon this man over I want some straight up missionary with him, please tap my g-spot too Mr. Thick Dick. Valkyrie already agreed she’ll ride my face so you can get the view I had tonight- it’s pretty spectacular, count yourself lucky.

 

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DD Fnord

I left my cheating spouse September of 2015. In October of that year, I filed for divorce and set out to move on and reclaim my lost libido. I spent 8 years of my 20's faithful to two unfaithful men, I have so much time to make up for! All The Dicks is my journey having sex with whoever I want, whenever I want, however I want. The first person I spent the night with after my husband, reignited the spark and desire I thought I would need counseling to retrieve. The second person I was with sealed the deal. I wasn't broken, I just needed a tune up. This collection of encounters are the ones worth re-telling- I don't write about every sexual encounter I have, and I certainly don't bother with any that were sub-par. The screenshots are my own personal wall of shame, but also my trophies because nobody puts baby in a corner.

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