Pleasant Surprise

Chatting up a guy on an app, he’s 30 something and fairly chill. I dig his low-key manner, although he made mention of being well endowed a little too early in our conversations for it to be believable. The general rule being guys with big dicks don’t brag about it, at least not right off the bat. I like average guys with a little meat on ’em, and he fits the bill. I’m squishy, he’s squishy, sounds like a good time. For sure he takes really shitty pictures of himself, but I was down so we made a date to see each other in the morning on a day we both had free. Having already been stood up by Ghost the night before (who apparently came into town just to get me all worked up with no happy ending,) I was looking to make up for lost orgasm potential. I tell him my woes of being stood up when I had such high hopes, he promises me up and down he’s very excited to see me and give it to me right. Alright, champ- let’s see what you got.

He shows up and I am pleasantly surprised how much better he looks in person- see, take a chance and roll the dice. We smoke outside for a minute and hang out, he’s giving me the good vibes. Inside we sit and chit chat briefly, he makes the first move and right away I’m digging his style. Tongue ring? Yes please, this will be a first. We hit the bed, he’s kissing me aggressively just the way I like and moving his hands on my lady business just right. Condom on, time for the show. So it turns out he wasn’t lying about his endowment, and it’s spectacular. Like, he’s doing his thing to my thing and I am *loving* it. Big boy has big everything. RAWR. What’s important to mention here is girth is 100% more appreciated, for me, for vaginal sex than length. If you’re super long it just punches the cervix the whole time and that’s not fun. (Length is, however, way more appreciated for anal.) He’s slamming it home and I can’t help but tell him I love every inch of it. He brings me to climax several times and wants me on top- done, son. Here’s the deal though… once I got on top I was dealing with the full size of his manhood and it was more than moderately uncomfortable. I actually couldn’t really swivel the way I like because it just went too deep and my body would freeze up. No problem, I prop myself with my leg up so as not to take the whole shebang without total control. Much better. I choke him while I’m riding him, he gets into it and returns in kind. I love a big strong hand around my throat right when I climax, even if it’s not squeezing the life out of me. We flip around to him behind me and I get to watch him in the mirror, super hot. Probably one of my favorite things now is watching a man work me. He finishes, we snuggle up for talk time.

We make out a bit more and I tell him I’ve never had a tongue ring used on me before, but I’m more than understanding if going down on a hookup is not an option. I don’t go down unless they do, usually, so it’s all fair. He gives me sly smile and tells me he loves going down almost more than penetrative sex or blow jobs. I tell him I’ll take it. I’ll take 10 of it. He rolls on top of me, I’m on my stomach, and starts biting me gently as he works his way down. Down below he puts me up on my knees and demonstrates the efficacy of a little barbell used on Glenda the Good Clit. Holy. Shit. Go get your tongue pierced RIGHT NOW for your lady at home, this is the bees knees. Now he wants me to sit on his face- alright! This is not the first request I’ve had for this, but it is my first time doing it specifically. Typical body-shy reservations of a bigger girl, but fuck it. He wants it that way and I’m not going to limit myself anymore. I ride his face and it is GLORIOUS. Yeah, I’ll be doing that again. I’ll be doing that any time someone wants it, because it’s nice to be in control of how I move when I’m cumming. He wants me to go down on him, I happily oblige. Lube in hands, I start off with the 2 handed HJ I love so much while I build up spit in my mouth. The second my mouth touches him and I get my rhythm he’s making the sounds I love to hear. I love this moment. He’s pleasantly surprised, too. He made the mistake of shoving his largeness down my throat and that promptly ended head game from me. I had to recover and not throw up on him, takes a few minutes. That gag reflex is a fierce buzz kill. Please don’t ever just try to shove your dick down a girl’s throat “in the heat of the moment.” I will barf on you.

We chatted for a bit, I’m really digging his jive. He’s simple, funny, easy going, and just a down dude who doesn’t give a shit. Tells me he hasn’t been with a woman in 2 years (I am highly doubtful of this, but whatever,) and he liked me because of the way I talked to him. Apparently I’m “not stupid.” Mmmm ok, I’ll take your word for it. We go another round and it’s better than the first one. He likes plowing me, and I like getting plowed. I also like hearing them tell me they love fucking me, which he obliges as many times as I tell him to say it. SAY IT AGAIN! Yeah, I’m bossy… but it makes me cum. I request missionary again and he pulls my body to the edge of the bed. I love this. I love when they just pick me up and move me around however they want. YES. We go until I need a break, because I was just not prepared for this today. I love morning sex, and I love a bigger guy to lay it down to me, but that was a lot of man to take so early in the day. We get dressed and go smoke again.

Talking to him is a real treat- one thing I like about guys closer to my age is that we simply have more in common in the big picture of life. Less hang-ups and bullshit, they get the whole “do what makes you happy, don’t put energy into people and things that bring you down.” Also, they’re less likely to be jerks. He’s totally cool with my lifestyle, knows all about what I’m up to and the blog. It doesn’t phase him a bit and he likes that I’m up-front about it (and he knows he’s going to be an entry on it.) He’s a total sweetheart, down to earth, works 2 full time jobs, plays hard. I like a dude that has a life outside of his dick, even if it is impressive. He tells me I could’ve gone to the Cherub concert with him and I’m immediately interested in sharing music with him. We hit up YouTube and start exploring interests and it’s great. I’m so down with this guy. He also apparently goes to Mad Myrna’s, the local gay club, for the live theater performances like Rocky Horror, and Little Shop of Horrors. Yes, please. My kind of straight man, 100%. As we’re talking music he mentions he dances. I’ve posted before about how attractive it is for men to dance even if it’s not well, also I’m a firm believer that men who dance make better lovers the majority of the time. He knows dance lingo, so I’m definitely feeling he gets down and does more than the usual straight guy on the dancefloor. We smoke again before he has to take off, we both agree this is a good time and should happen more. I want to get drunk with him and people watch. Fuck, I just want to go out and drink with him, and get laid some more. I bet he’s a blasty-blast. Looking forward to a regular thing with this one. Connecting on a personal level is super important, even for a hookup; you’re more in tune with your partner. If they won’t bother to get to know you a little bit, I guarantee they’re selfish in bed.

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DD Fnord

I left my cheating spouse September of 2015. In October of that year, I filed for divorce and set out to move on and reclaim my lost libido. I spent 8 years of my 20's faithful to two unfaithful men, I have so much time to make up for! All The Dicks is my journey having sex with whoever I want, whenever I want, however I want. The first person I spent the night with after my husband, reignited the spark and desire I thought I would need counseling to retrieve. The second person I was with sealed the deal. I wasn't broken, I just needed a tune up. This collection of encounters are the ones worth re-telling- I don't write about every sexual encounter I have, and I certainly don't bother with any that were sub-par. The screenshots are my own personal wall of shame, but also my trophies because nobody puts baby in a corner.

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