Bring Da Ruckus

So this adorable 22 year old kid on Tinder hits me up and immediately asks about the blog. Always a good sign, I like it as an opener; he read my bio. Straight away he asks for a link to it, and tells me shortly after he really digs it. I love, love, love that my blog has had such a positive impact on the men who express interest in bedding me; it turns them on, intrigues them, inspires them. Not all, of course, but more often than not I get very positive feedback regarding my writing style, my sexual appetite, my interest in pleasing my partner in return, and my appreciation for a generous lover. It makes my heart happy to have found a way to reach sex-positive partners, while also weeding out the misogynists and assholes (mostly.) Our Tinder conversation is brief but perfect- he wants to see me, soon, before he flies out to Fairbanks the next day. I’m still feeling out of commission from the previous night with Joker, mainly my hips are completely fucked from all that riding. He offers to give me a pregame massage to loosen them back up a bit. I tell him I don’t want to be at less than 100% for a partner, and he responds he’d rather have me at 80% than not at all. I like his style, he’s coming across determined and interested, without that creepy/pushy vibe of a fuckboy just trying to get a nut off. He feels pretty confident he can get the job done, the way I like it, and doesn’t get all crude and cocky about it. There’s an art to saying “I’ll please you in bed” without being a jerk. My kind of talker. I give him my number and we make plans to see each other later in the evening.

Our text conversation is pretty cool, he’s digging my curves for sure. Pic for pic, he’s beautiful and I can’t wait to see him naked… he already loves my big ass. Haha I’m a fan of ass men because I’ve got ass for days. I like his body from what I saw in the pic, and he humbly downplays his attractive physical appearance as just being skinny. No, he’s definitely pretty. I ask if he’s able to go the distance or at the very least get it up again if he cums too quickly- he tells me he has difficulties getting off so it’s not an issue for him to get off too fast. DING DING DING! This is a magical incantation for me; Ghost and Spiderman both have this “problem” and its delightful to be on the receiving end of it. He did say he’s a one-and-done type of lay, so I take note of that not to encourage his orgasm until I’ve had my fill. He comes over and we hug, sit down, and chit chat a bit. I’m really grateful for this, not that I’m particularly nervous it just makes for a better connection before we hit the bed. You want your partner to be on your level before you start going at it. The cuteness of this boy cannot be exaggerated, he’s absolutely fetching with a baby face placing him at about 18 years. He makes the suggestion we segue to the bedroom and I’m more than agreeable with that idea. We strip down and climb in, I braid my hair into two pig tails to protect the curls from being smashed and ratted. It’s darling, I rock pigtails. He starts me out with some face time and I need to pause here and take a moment to relive this awesomeness in my head. This boy is an absolute TREASURE with his mouth. He mentions my clitoris is tiny, smaller than average… but he has no problem finding it and dancing around my happy button with his tongue. I’m having orgasm after orgasm, and it’s so good I’m laughing with excitement and enjoyment. You know when you’re pleasantly surprised by something really, really good? That, times 1,000. Achievement unlocked, this kid is a master face-blaster. He can go down for days, and seems to REALLY enjoy bringing me to climax over and over. Yes, please. I’m excited to return the gift to him because he more than earned it.

His turn, I start going down and the first thing I notice about his penis is how big the head is. Interesting, this should be a first. I’m curious how it’s going to feel when we get down to busy time or if it’ll make a difference. As I’m going down he tells me to flip around, so we switch into a 69 and it’s absolutely great- his head game is on point and I love how he worships my nether region with his mouth. I’m listening to his cues and instructions to best please him, and we end up doing some very lubey titty fucking. Not my thing but he’s really digging it and I love that he’s so vocal. I’ve never been asked to lube up my entire chest for this particular activity, but I oblige without complaint and he LOVES it. Slippery titties make for better fucking I suppose? Whatever, I’m happy to make him happy after that marvelous face time he spent on my lady business. Condom time! He rolls one on and gets on top- remember when I said I was curious about how the shape of his fireman would feel? The word is incredible. Big heads are where it’s at apparently! He’s pretty average in his endowment, but that added girth to the head is just stunning- and I mean stunning. I was stunned at how good it felt. He starts plowing away and I am in complete ecstasy. Like, I want to say he’s got a big dick but that’s not it exactly. It just feels bigger because of that big ol’ head on it. This is like a cheat code for penises. Big dicks come with their own particular set of drawbacks… this is all the benefits, none of the problems. Huzzah!

He’s going to town giving me all he’s got and I am having a blast. He puts me in on my knees and takes me from behind, it’s phenomenal. I like how he’s slapping my ass while he’s working it. This kid is very good at pleasing his partner and taking direction. He goes and goes and goes until he needs a break, which is fine. I want to give him some more head for all that work he just did. Not just head, I want to give him my 2 handed HJ. He’s digging it, he asks if we can “finish” like this (after more sex) since it’s hard for him to cum with a condom. Of course! I’m getting all of mine so this doesn’t seem like an inconvenient request. Next condom, he gets back on top for a while. I enjoy that when I tell him I’m going to cum, he plays with my clitoris JUST RIGHT to make me feel my orgasm all the way up my spine like an electrical shock. Clearly he’s done his due diligence in figuring out what makes a woman happy. (Or as he calls it, bringing the ruckus… hahahaha Wu Tang ain’t nothin’ to mess with.) He pounds away at me until I’m losing my mind cumming- this is where he shows his expertise: he slows his strokes down to a gentle, slow rhythm and takes my shaking legs up around his sides. He wants to feel me quivering and quaking. He’s loving the leg shakes, tells me to squeeze him with my legs so he can really feel it. I tighten around him again and he begins to slowly, deliberately, sensually drag his finger tips along the length of my thighs and down my legs as they’re shivering. There’s no words. Something so simple, so elegant, feels immeasurably different at this particular moment. I’ve never had someone do this before but now it’s going to be a request of mine. When he’s done soaking up my post-climax shakes he lays down for the finale. I get him off with just my hands, taking his direction on how he likes it. He actually had the nerve to apologize for being “difficult” to get off, which he was not. He was in fact NOT difficult to get off, he’s just particular; there’s nothing wrong with knowing exactly what gets you off and vocalizing that to your partner. I give directions, too.

Then we hung out for a few hours, just chit chatting about the world. This kid is definitely more of a man than I had summed him up in my initial assessment. He’s kind, caring, polite, and enjoyable to talk to. Even where we disagreed, he was respectful and tactful. He’s working as a salesman and has a science degree, which comes in handy for the product he’s selling. Chemistry suddenly sounds very interesting. I could listen to him talk about science and politics all night, what a beautiful soul. He mentions the rampant misogyny in heterosexual men around other heterosexual men when they fail to do a good job sexually and need to compensate for it by tearing women down with their bros. This. This so much. The insecurities of a man can be weighed in how he talks about the women he’s bedded. This kid said not a single unkind word about the bad lays he’s had, other than to express they underperformed due to being too insecure to get into getting down; the usual body shy stuff that comes with big girls, some freeze up and need a lot of encouragement. I do not- he likes that about me, that I’m confident and vocal. One thing we both agree is on is nerds make better lovers, hands down. He goes into that being true and basically described the Scientific Method for how nerds view achieving sexual satisfaction from their partners. I dig it. This kid gets it. I’ve got my own theories on why nerds make better lovers, but I can very much see his view on it just from my experience. We also agree that women and men who aren’t at the top tier of the Attraction Echelon make better lovers by default, because they work harder to please their partner. Absolutely this is true- I’ve banged enough smoking hot dudes (and women…) to know it’s a crap shoot if they’ll actually be good or not. The men who are closer to average looking put in the effort, and that’s how I feel I do sexually; I know I’m not super hot, but I’ll compensate for it by doing what I can to please my partner PROVIDED they are also generous and giving in bed. I cannot sing this kid’s praises enough, he’s an absolute treat and a gift to women, I wish him all the best and I’m delighted at the thought of him surprising women everywhere he travels to with his incredible abilities. He’s a skilled lover, for sure. I can only imagine what he’ll be like at my age since he’s so, so, so good at 22… and he’s not even braggadocios about it. Walk softly but carry a big stick. That’s the mark of a real man.

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DD Fnord

I left my cheating spouse September of 2015. In October of that year, I filed for divorce and set out to move on and reclaim my lost libido. I spent 8 years of my 20's faithful to two unfaithful men, I have so much time to make up for! All The Dicks is my journey having sex with whoever I want, whenever I want, however I want. The first person I spent the night with after my husband, reignited the spark and desire I thought I would need counseling to retrieve. The second person I was with sealed the deal. I wasn't broken, I just needed a tune up. This collection of encounters are the ones worth re-telling- I don't write about every sexual encounter I have, and I certainly don't bother with any that were sub-par. The screenshots are my own personal wall of shame, but also my trophies because nobody puts baby in a corner.

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