Joker’s Hotline Bling

I headed out to the bar with one of my favorite gay boys ever, who can booty pop like no-other and wingman for me. The Navy taught him well, what an absolute joy to take out dancing! Wish he still had his uniform… all those buttons… I digress. We get tipsy, the music is right, and I’m NOT striking out all night (got a phone number and I’m sure I had that hot as fuck short-shit in the bag… but then Joker texted me… hahaha) I decide to abandon my conquest and go with the guaranteed good lay, Joker. All in all a good night; all the dancing. Some really cool ladies were out and about, got to meet a future STEM graduate. Oh man, that’s a weakness and a half- women into science. Rawr. Back to Joker.

He’s hitting me up at close to 2am so I know exactly what’s up and I am DEFINITELY down to ride that thickness again. I ask if he wants company, he keeps it brief and says Yes. I confirm my DTF status both in text and by sending him the music video by Adore Delano, because it’s funny god damn it. I think I’m going to make this a signature response… or at the very least send links of drag queens for various responses. So it’s time to wrap up my evening with my friend and get out of the bar- I wasn’t getting to my phone and Joker was texting and calling me, thinking I was blowing him off. No, no, sir. I’m just faded. We chat briefly, I get home and he’s waiting for me. Why is that so hot? God damn he was right there. We go inside and I excuse myself to pee before we get down to business. I come out into the master bedroom and he’s lying naked on my bed. What’s the word for this… presenting? He was presenting himself to me. Clearly somebody was ready for lovin’. Can I express again how much I love this man’s body? Because it’s beautiful. There’s no time for appreciation though, I want him and I want him now. Sidenote, I’mma get him to wear his uniform for me. I bet he’s so fucking hot in uniform, just the thought of it floods my basement.

I immediately go into going down, because I dig doing it for an appreciative partner and I like how he bangs me. He’s enjoying it but he wants the V- no problem, stud! Condom on, saddled up, took him for a ride. I can honestly say I’m really enjoying being on top with him; his man parts just work perfectly for my lady parts and how I swivel to orgasm. I get off… a lot? That’s like a number at this point. I’m completely smitten with his little moans and O face while I’m riding him, too. Fuck, just getting him to orgasm is fun for me. This is what sexual compatibility looks like- two people cumming and enjoying each other. Pretty sure I slapped his face while I was having an orgasm… not sure if he’s into that, but I don’t remember him complaining. I’m not sorry, I kind of want to get really, really, really rough with him. He’s strong. He’s big. He chokes me. Let’s wrassle until I’m bruised up and tapped out.

Did we talk before round 2? I have no idea. It’s all kind of blurry at this point… in fact I don’t remember the sequence of events that led to him being on top and banging me like a tin drum, but it happened and I’m happy with it. He never tells me when he cums, I have to guess from his stroke and the little whimpery moan he makes. Super hot, it’s just not the usual “I’m gonna cum” most partners gasp out right before climax. I’ve mentioned before that when I get to a certain level of intoxication I just want to hump all night and my battery never really drains out- this was tonight. Unfortunately men are, usually, just not programmed to get off like I am and can’t get it up 100 times- which is approximately the amount of times I want to get them off with me. He’s had 2 orgasms at this point and I’m not done with him. I go in for a 2 handed HJ and a little prostate stimulation with my hands (because a real man knows his g-spot is in his ass,) until he tells me he can’t cum again- he fired a blank. He starts to go soft and my heart sinks. Oh god damn it, I’m not getting anymore. I snuggle up and he starts dozing off.

This right here is such a plus-plus in my book. He got off, got me off, and now he’s taking a cozy little nap all naked and sweaty with me. Yes, please. I love when they stay over! Even if it’s just for a bit, it’s so comfortable. I roll over onto my side an he spoons me. Somewhere in the sleepy-time his phone rings and the ringtone is Hotline Bling- I can’t keep myself from chuckling. I like to think he has all us lady folk under one group in his contacts, and that’s our ring tone. I think we dozed for a couple hours? I have no idea. What I do know is in my state of inebriation I wasn’t deeply asleep, so the second I felt his morning wood start to grow I knew round 3 was up for grabs. I go down on him because waking up to a beej has got to be fucking amazing am I right? When he starts making the little sounds I love so much letting me know he’s digging it I throw on another condom and get on top again. Seriously, I’ll ride him into the fucking sunset. I love watching his face while I’m fucking him- he’s expressive, masculine, and beautiful. He grabs me and starts pounding me from beneath me and it rocks me to my core; it’s an avalanche of orgasms just snowballing into one loud primal vocal outburst. I’m going to town and I must have gotten off another dozen times before he tells me to bend over the edge of the bed- you’ve got it, Sarg. I do as instructed and he rails me from behind like a fucking machine. Or a fucking-machine. Either works in this scenario. I love it. I tell him to fuck me harder and he obliges. He gets off for the 3rd time (4th if you count the ghostie) and excuses himself to the bathroom.

I’m in heaven. Just lying naked in my bed, breathing heavily, endorphins rushing my body, completely spent and on cloud nine. I must’ve had the biggest shit-eating grin on my face, haha. God, I love my life. As he’s leaving he gives me a kiss, which is worth noting because it’s a sweet gesture. Yeah, we’re just sex partners… but that doesn’t mean we can’t have some semblance of intimacy. I nice smooch before he disappears back to his life is the kind of gentle after-sex stuff I’m really into. He mentioned at some point in the night he’s disappointed he can’t share my blog with his coworkers… there has to be a way. I think his rank my have something to do with it, too, but I don’t concern myself with how the military operates to ask questions about it. Ugh, I can’t wait to share him with my lady friends!!! I come out to write this all down and see it’s 7am. Where in the fuck did my night go.

Update: My legs were shaky for at least an hour after he left, and my hips are in code red meltdown. It’s an ibuprofen kind of day. This level of ache feels like a cross between horseback riding for the first time and fucking a linebacker. Or what I would assume fucking a linebacker would be like. Maybe the whole team. Jesus I feel like I got hit by a fucking bus. Cheers!

 

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DD Fnord

I left my cheating spouse September of 2015. In October of that year, I filed for divorce and set out to move on and reclaim my lost libido. I spent 8 years of my 20's faithful to two unfaithful men, I have so much time to make up for! All The Dicks is my journey having sex with whoever I want, whenever I want, however I want. The first person I spent the night with after my husband, reignited the spark and desire I thought I would need counseling to retrieve. The second person I was with sealed the deal. I wasn't broken, I just needed a tune up. This collection of encounters are the ones worth re-telling- I don't write about every sexual encounter I have, and I certainly don't bother with any that were sub-par. The screenshots are my own personal wall of shame, but also my trophies because nobody puts baby in a corner.

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