Sibling Rivalry

The “sibling rivalry” between the two most accessible branches of military up here is absolutely hilarious, and beneficial to someone looking to get laid.  The Airmen want to out-fuck the Soldiers because of reasons, and the Soldiers want to out-fuck the Airmen because of reasons; in the end they both leave just the same and I high five myself for one thing or another. Take for example the Abercrombie models aka Airmen. Holy shit that branch turns out some beautiful men. Even if it wasn’t great sex, I basically banged a guy from a fashion magazine and that’s second best to a good lay. But, the Soldiers have game and attitude, which I respond to well (and I’m only fucking attractive guys anyway.) There’s something to be said about a good looking man that can also hold a conversation. I know what I’m here for; I like some sass, some confidence, and some cocky. I’m the only one in this tango that gets to be hairy and imperfect, like a shitty peach. I can honestly say I like both of the stereotypes presented by the branches, in different but equal ways. Also it makes for fun jealousy texts from my gay besties when they get to see what hot piece of man flesh I got to have- since the majority of the men I meet are straight and therefore out of their grasp. Sorry not sorry, I know they share my pics too.

I finally got to take a uniform off a man. This gorgeous 22 year old Airman. I FINALLY had my fetish indulged- you have no idea how hard it is to convince military men to wear their “monkey suit” to a hookup. I get it, I get it. You’re tired of wearing it… but pretty much every chick thinks it’s hot. Just suck it up, buttercup. Anyway, back to the Airman. I get to take off the uniform, like I’ve always wanted. I learned recently you could rip it off with one swift motion- I asked permission. Once granted I happily removed the jacket and watched the buttons pop through their slots one after another in rapid succession. I loved it. One actually flew off and he said he’d sew it back on later (never thought about it, how cute is it that they sew?) I get him down to his undergarments and drag him to my bedroom for Snu Snu. I started out with my lubey 2 hand HJ which he seemed to really enjoy, and he asked me if I’d like some head. Of course? He actually told me to lay the fuck back so he could get to it. This is a rarity in the hookup world, so I’ll take it when it’s offered because the person actually wants to do it. He went down like a prize fighter on the take. Expertly. He just kept getting me off over and over and over again. THANKS! I could feel it tingling up in my spine. Sex was brief, but good. Maybe we’ll see each other again? Probably not, but that’s fine- I got what I came for, haha. Pretty, pretty boy…. I’d keep his head and torso in my freezer just to look at it.

20 year old Hispanic Soldier wants to give me everything I didn’t get with the Airman… namely, he wants to throw me around my house and hate-fuck me until I scream. YES? (How much of that was based on his interest in bedding me vs. his interest in shit talking and out-fucking an Airman, I’ll never know… because I don’t care enough to ask.)  Who could say no to that…. probably decent ladies, but eff them am I right? Kidding, you ladies give me reason to write this- being frequently told what an inspiration and empowering person I am is motivation to keep slutting on. Humblebrag, humblebrag, humblebrag. I’ve got to take one for the team, or as I like to say “I’m doing the Lord’s work.” Sally Fields should write my acceptance speech. Whatever, come over and give it your best shot Soldier. I plan to tear him down 8 ways from Sunday if he doesn’t do a good job, because cocky little assholes should hear it from somebody and I hate being over-promised and under delivered. He walks in and he’s super cute… rawr.

Immediately goes for the aggressive dominance, yoking me up by my hair and kissing me while groping me hard with the other hand. Flooded my basement, this is exactly what I wanted. We tussled for a while, I definitely like how he pins my hands and slaps me around- especially since he’s new to striking his partner in bed. He did it just right for my preferences, I liked it a lot. Struggle snuggle is my favorite warm up to hard penetration- and he slammed it home when the time came, complete with choking! He bit my thighs and now I have bruises…this kid is fun. Sex was aggressive, and brief, but he went 2 rounds with me. He also did not understand my “I don’t do forced oral” rule and kept trying to shove his dick in my mouth. Why would anybody do that to a girl with braces who’s not into it? I’ll shred the fuck outta your favorite toy and not think twice about it, son. He’s telling me to shut the fuck up as I’m cumming loudly- I respond in kind with my best FUCK YOU. He got me to squirt which was surprising considering we didn’t spend much time banging it out- good boy! Best part though, the part I’m super excited about, is his Rhotacism. This kid has a mild speech impediment and it’s so mother fucking hot. I just wanna listen to him talk dirty to me. Why the fuck is this my thing…. whatever, it’s adorable as all get out and I’ll take more. (Spenny had a slight lisp and it drove me WILD.) He’s hitting several of my kinks and fetishes simultaneously. If we see each other again I’m excited to get even kinkier with the boy, he has the kind of attitude that is just fun to battle with. Long live the bedroom power struggle.

Talking to him was fun, too. We’re definitely from two different worlds but he’s entertaining. For instance I tell him how I’ve been so angered by a bad lay that carelessly underperformed and decided against even bothering to help me get mine that I aggressively threw them out. He tells me if I do it to him he’s stealing a TV on the way out. Beaner’s got jokes, I like it. He mentions that girls basically respond to two kinds of men: assholes, or nice guys. I ask which one I am. He chuckles I respond to assholes. (I’m not really surprised, after being married to a milk-toast spineless pussy I’d rather deal with an asshole that’s got some personality.) Back to my Soldier-strange for the night: something something something, Trump for president. I literally shushed him. He mentions he’s happy I don’t have a “smell” which I guess I’m curious why that’s all that shocking… I’m clean, I bathed, and I take excellent care of my lady bits. Oh, that’s right, if you’re promiscuous the assumption is your underwear is a cradle of filth. Well, fellas, that’s not it. Hygiene and safe sex, they do wonders (not to mention I was probably graced with favorable genetics in this department.) This reminds me of another hookup not too long ago that told me he was “surprised I was so tight.” WHY!? What does that even mean!? Is that supposed to be a compliment!? I don’t get it- if you’re married and only have sex with one person 1,000 times… your vagina magically doesn’t change in any way. But if you have sex with 1,000 people 1 time each… it’s blown out and doing the Carleton dance while you’re banging away. You know that doesn’t make sense, right? They probably think we pee out of the vagina, too… because it’s really just a flappy, fleshy cloaca. Moments like these make me wish I had Vagina Dentata.

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DD Fnord

I left my cheating spouse September of 2015. In October of that year, I filed for divorce and set out to move on and reclaim my lost libido. I spent 8 years of my 20's faithful to two unfaithful men, I have so much time to make up for! All The Dicks is my journey having sex with whoever I want, whenever I want, however I want. The first person I spent the night with after my husband, reignited the spark and desire I thought I would need counseling to retrieve. The second person I was with sealed the deal. I wasn't broken, I just needed a tune up. This collection of encounters are the ones worth re-telling- I don't write about every sexual encounter I have, and I certainly don't bother with any that were sub-par. The screenshots are my own personal wall of shame, but also my trophies because nobody puts baby in a corner.

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